


make your decisions

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Self-Hatred, Tenderness, not a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 14:30:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “all of this. it’s my fault.” it wasn’t an apology for what happened. not just what happened, at least. it was an apology for everything, since cas had gone to hell and pulled dean out, marking him permanently. it was an apology for making him fall, for their bond, for all the times he had pushed cas out of his life, because he didn’t have enough faith to believe in them. it was a confession.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	make your decisions

he hated himself, now. he couldn’t believe what he had done. he had ruined everything he had, with one simple mistake. one slip up, and everything good that he had, came crumbling down.

cas was gone, neither he or sam had seen the angel anywhere, and dean knew it was his fault. cas didn’t leave a note, saying what happened, saying where he was going. because he cared too much about dean, and he knew how sam would react, would react to finding out what dean had done.

_ the woman in his arms kissed him, passionately, her hands sliding up and down his back, nails digging into his skin. he picked her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, and pushed her against the wall. he make quick at unbuttoning her blouse, the thin material hanging off of her. he unclasped her bra and let it fall, breaking apart their kiss to suck at the skin of her neck, her moans hot and wet in his ear. he moved them to the bed and let them both fall onto the mattress, climbing above her. she pulled him closer by his collar and connected their mouths. he groaned into the kiss, when she began to unbutton his jeans, sliding them down off of him. he kicked them off, and did the same for her, unbuttoning the jeans she was wearing as well. he fondled her breasts, lips moving from her mouth to her neck, pressing soft kisses down her body, sucking hickies onto her chest. she arched her back and moaned, a grunt leaving his mouth when her hips made contact with his clothed dick.  _

_ he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and he looked up suddenly, expecting to see his brother, with a disgusted look to him, but instead he saw cas, with horrified, heartbroken eyes, standing in the doorway. he froze, watching as cas fled, and sat up off of the girl. she looked at him, confusion on her face, but seeing the look, the look of regret on his face, took it as a sign to leave. _

he had run out of the room after cas, but it was no use, the angel was gone. he had tried calling him, begging him to come back, so they could talk about what had happened, but it was no use. cas was gone. 

_ when he saw cas, it was like something in his head, like a switch had been flipped, and he couldn’t help himself when he pressed a gentle kiss to cas’ chapped lips. cas had frozen, and dean was so close to pulling away, hoping desperately that he hadn’t just ruined everything they had between them, until he felt cas press up into the kiss. and with that, it started. he pulled cas close to him and kissed him, kissed him until he had to pull away for air and then he rested his forehead on cas’ forehead, and smiled at him. cas smiled back, a shy smile, and dean felt like he had the world in the palms of his hands. _

that was then, and this was now. now he  _ had  _ ruined everything they had, whatever  _ that  _ was. it wasn’t a relationship, because they weren’t dating, and it wasn’t a causal thing, because they hadn’t even had sex. it was just the simple things, like soft kisses shared in the halls, exchanged glances from across the room, heads resting on each other’s shoulders when they watched movies, and cas would cuddle up into his side. all that, down the drain, and why? because of dean. because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, couldn’t resist the temptation of a female body beneath his. 

it was hours later, when dean had just given up hope, and retired to his bedroom, when cas pulled open the door and walked in. he automatically stood and walked towards cas, meeting him in the middle. neither spoke, because he didn’t know what to say. cas looked nervous, in a way, and expectant. expectant of what, dean didn’t know. he didn’t know what else he could offer cas. he had ruined everything, he had nothing else he could give cas. except for.

“i’m sorry, cas.” an apology. that’s what he could give cas. but cas only sighed and shook his head. he looked so unsure of himself, rubbing his hands together in front of him, a sign of nervousness that he had noticed the angel had developed. “can you forgive me?”

“why would i need to? you did nothing wrong. It’s not like we were….together.” and there it was, the feeling like dean’s heart was being ripped straight from his chest. it was painful, seeing the way cas’ eyes fell to the floor as he spoke.

“still, cas. i….i was yours. and i….i’m sorry. please.” he didn’t know why he was saying please. what he was asking for. he had hurt cas, and he needed to apologise.

“and i was yours. dean, i always was. and i always will be.” cas took a step closer, his voice small. he remembered the first time he met cas, back in the barn at bobbys. the angel in front of him was a shell of the one he met back then. and it was his fault.

“all of this. it’s my fault.” it wasn’t an apology for what happened. not just what happened, at least. it was an apology for everything, since cas had gone to hell and pulled dean out, marking him permanently. it was an apology for making him fall, for their bond, for all the times he had pushed cas out of his life, because he didn’t have enough faith to believe in them. it was a confession.

“no, it’s not. i made my decision. you get to make yours.” cas whispered, and there was barely enough room between them to breathe. he couldn’t bring himself to look into cas’ eyes, flinching inwardly when cas spoke. 

“i’ll always choose you, you know.” he responded, and wondered if he sounded believable. he knew he wasn’t, and he knew cas knew better. but he knew neither of them would choose what was better for them. 

“will you?” cas asked, leaving dean without a response. dean stayed quiet, because they both knew the answer. he wasn’t strong enough to deny himself. and cas knew that. like he said, he made his choice. 

“that’s what i thought.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> First time writing in like a year, tell me how i did!


End file.
